


Broken

by vi_britannia



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Geass (Code Geass), Emo Lelouch, Lelouch & Male OC Relationship Implied, Lelouch is just really sappy, Lots of Angst, M/M, Modern AU, Mutual Pining, SuzaLulu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 11:18:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18590188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vi_britannia/pseuds/vi_britannia
Summary: In which Suzaku Kururugi is determined to save his best friend from his abusive boyfriend.





	1. Chapter 1

 

* * *

 

_“tell me why are we wasting time on all your wasted crying, when you should be with me instead?”_

treat you better; shawn mendes.

 

* * *

 

 

For what felt like the _thousandth_ time that hour, the phone on the coffee table buzzed and chimed.

Lelouch glanced at screen illuminating with message notifications and missed calls.

_I’m sorry._

_Where are you?_

_Please, talk to me._

_It was an accident, I promise._

_I love you, Lelouch. Please pick up._

From across the table, Suzaku watched his best friend with worry. It hurt him that Lelouch was in pain again.

He had hoped Lelouch would finally break up with Julian after he’s hurt him over and over. But _no._ The jerk would pull some stunt that always brought Lelouch back to his manipulative hands. 

He recalled all the times Lelouch would show up at his apartment in the middle of the night, violet eyes puffy and holding back tears. On those nights, Suzaku just knew. He knew who it was about. What it was _always_ about.

Suzaku clenched his fist under the table. For such a smart person, his best friend could be an absolute idiot sometimes. He would never listen though, he’s tried. There were too many times they have argued over his relationship with Julian. It usually ends with Lelouch keeping his distance with him, sometimes lasting for a few weeks. Something no doubt _suggested_ by his overpowering boyfriend.

The raven-haired boy dropped his head and gazed at the floor. “What do I do?” It was barely a whisper. 

“Lelouch.” Suzaku broke the deafening silence looming the room. Violet eyes captured the emerald green gaze. “What happened?” He finally asked. 

His eyes glistened. “Julian, he…” Lelouch choked back a sob. “He went to a house party and he forgot his jacket. So I drove over there to give it to him and I found him in one of the rooms making out with one of those girls he works with.”

Suzaku’s eyes narrowed. “You need to leave him, Lelouch. He can’t keep hurting you like this.” Lelouch avoided his gaze, staring at the floor, the ceiling, the table, anywhere but him.

“I don’t… I can’t-” Lelouch’s voice strained. He ran both his hands through his hair in frustration, leaving it as a dishevelled mess. “He’s the only one who understands. When I met him, he showed me what it was like to be loved. My entire life is filled with people who only showed me hate.” His tone was bitter with bad memories. When his mother passed when he was only a young boy, he was left under the care of his drunk abusive father. Lelouch closed his eyes, recalling all the memories in a fast haze.

Beyond anything, it broke Suzaku even more to see him fall apart like this. “Please, Lelouch.” He handed his friend a glass of water to help him calm down.

Before he could respond, the doorbell rang. Lelouch stared at the door and quickly stood up. The glass of water in his hand shook like no tomorrow.

There was no doubt in Suzaku’s mind who the visitor was. “No, go in one of the rooms. Let me talk to him.”

Lelouch quivered for a second and hesitated, but headed to the nearest room anyway. 

With a sigh, Suzaku walked up to the door and opened it. _Here we go again._

“He’s here, isn’t he?”

His breath reeked of alcohol and Suzaku faced away in disgust. It took all of his willpower not to send a fist flying to his face. If he hurt Julian, Lelouch would never forgive him. “I haven’t seen him,” he said nonchalantly.

Julian glared at him. “Don’t lie to me. I know he’s here. His car is in the parking lot.” He looked behind Suzaku in an effort to find him. “Lelouch! Please, talk to me,” he yelled. Suzaku couldn’t find a trace of guilt in his eyes, instead, they even had the nerve to look annoyed. It kindled the rage already burning inside him. 

Suzaku stepped back and tried to close the door, but the unwanted visitor pushed his chest roughly to get him out of the way. The Japanese boy lost his balance and fell backwards.

“Hey!” Suzaku shouted as followed him down the hall. A sharp pain could be felt in his lower back and he winced in pain. “Get out of my apartment!” He demanded. Unfortunately, Julian found the room Lelouch was in and shut the door, locking it in the process.

Suzaku was _pissed_. After securing the keys, he stomped back to the room and slammed it open, causing it to collide with the off-white wall. He had hoped neighbours wouldn’t call security after hearing the noise, but that was the least of his concerns. As he stared at the scene unfolding before him, he realised he was too late.

Julian hand rested on Lelouch’s cheek, who leaned to the touch. His eyes were closed, and a smile played on his lips. Suzaku couldn’t quite hear what Julian was saying at that point. Too many thoughts raced in his head and his heart was pumping wildly. In this haze, time seemed to slow down. He could only see Lelouch nod at Julian before he stood up.

_No, not again!_

Lelouch approached his best friend, taking his time with slow strides. “Sorry to have bothered you, Suzaku. Thank you for having me.”

 _No, please, no!_  

“Lelouch, he’s going to hurt you again!” Emerald eyes burned with hatred when his gaze landed on Julian, who only stood there with a smug look on his face. He knew he’d already won. Suzaku couldn’t save his best friend. Again. 

Lelouch gave him a forced smile. “I love him, Suzaku. He’ll never hurt me again, he promised. I believe him.”  

 _He’s lying!_ Suzaku wanted to shout. But his mouth betrayed him with its silence. He bit back the tears threatening to come out as Lelouch walked out the door.

“You heard him,” Julian smirked, catching up with Lelouch and lazily throwing an arm around him.

It made his blood boil and made his heart ache at the same time. Suzaku could only watch as they left his apartment. He saw them again when they appeared down in the carpark. He kept watching until he saw Julian kiss Lelouch roughly against his car.

Suzaku had to look away and stared at the blank ceiling.

He loved Lelouch. There was no denying that – he’s loved him for _years_. He would tell him that, but he couldn’t risk losing him. When Lelouch had asked him what he thought of him years ago, Suzaku panicked. His thoughts were jumbled and everything was running like a high-speed bullet train. He blurted out that he saw him as a brother, not knowing what else he could say to get Lelouch off his case. Before he could say anything further or take it back, Lelouch had mentioned having to leave urgently. Suzaku didn’t question it. He was a mess himself. After all, it was a harmless question and Suzaku was the one making a big deal out of it. It was after that fateful day that Lelouch met Julian. Suzaku felt he lost a part of his heart when he found out.

Throughout the years, he has learned to set his feelings aside. He would keep his emotions hidden if it meant keeping his friend. He hid his jealousy and pain behind the perfect mask. After all this time, he should have already moved on. 

But why did it still hurt?

 

  


	2. Chapter 2

 

It’s been a few days since the incident and Lelouch kept reassuring himself that he’s made the right decision. He’s tried reaching out to Suzaku a few times now, but he would only receive monotone responses from him or be ignored entirely. He understood his friend’s disappointment, but it was different this time. 

Lelouch rested his head on Julian’s shoulder. The movie they rented was incredibly boring. His attention diverted shortly after the movie started and he was left with his thoughts. Then he had an idea. “Julian?" 

“Hm?”

He hesitated, but said anyway, “Communication is an important part of every relationship. I want us to be able to tell each other anything – especially when something bothers them.” They needed this to work. He wanted it to work. 

Julian shifted in his seat and tore his attention from the TV. Lelouch raised his head and stared at him questioningly. “Okay. Is there anything you want to say?”

Lelouch cleared his throat, suddenly nervous. He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. “I feel uncomfortable with you working with… that girl.” He didn’t necessarily know how to change that, but he just wanted to let that out. And he was right. He felt so much better. 

Julian spoke without hesitation. “I’ll quit.”

Violet eyes widened. “No, I don’t expect you to do anything that rash-”

Julian gave him a smile. “My uncle brought up that he needed some workers for his shop. It pays less than the bar, but if it makes you more comfortable, I’ll do it. You’re worth it.”

His heart swelled. He couldn’t believe it. Lelouch could only stare at him in disbelief. “You would do that?” 

Julian gave him a smile and squeezed his right hand. “I promised you I would change. I need to prove to you I’m being serious about that somehow.”

He did make the right choice. Julian was going to change. Lelouch smiled, _genuinely_ , something he hasn’t been able to do recently. “Thank you, Julian.”

“There is one thing I want to say…” Julian trailed off. “I feel uncomfortable with you hanging out with Suzaku so much.”

Lelouch couldn’t help but ask. “Why?”

There was something in his cerulean eyes he couldn’t quite decipher. “He wants you, Lelouch.”

Lelouch laughed. _No way._ “That’s absolutely impossible. He’s my best friend, nothing more.” He tested those waters and he knew it was never going to be anything more than friendship. A few years ago, Lelouch had decided it was time to confess his feelings for his childhood friend. But when Lelouch asked him what he thought of him, he said so himself he saw him as a brother. _A brother!_ At the time, Lelouch’s hopes of living a happily ever after with who he believed was the love of his life was all gone. That night, he lost control of himself. He went bar after bar in a failed attempt to cure his broken heart. It was during this time that Julian came into his life and helped him pick up the broken pieces together.

Julian raised an eyebrow. “You don’t see the way he looks at you when you aren’t looking. Trust me, Lelouch, he likes you and he wants you to be _more than_ a friend. I know it’s a lot to ask because he’s your best friend, but like you said, that’s the whole point of this conversation. We need to _communicate_.” 

The Britannian dropped his head. All his life, Suzaku has always been there. Nothing in the world separated them _ever_.  But if Julian said he… _no, there was no way. If_ Suzaku did love him though… the thought made Lelouch’s heart flutter. _No._ _Those feelings should have been long gone._ Lelouch had made his bed, and it was with Julian. He was determined to do everything to make Julian happy. If being with Suzaku made him uncomfortable, he should respect that and do something about it.

“You’re right.” It was _his_ idea in the first place and he needed to do his part. They both needed to put effort in to make it work. “Very well. I’ll keep my distance.” Every word hurt like a stab to the heart. _How do I tell Suzaku?_  

Julian looked almost overjoyed, but Lelouch couldn’t really tell. “You have no idea what this means to me, Lelouch. I love you.” 

Lelouch gave him a tight smile, hoping he was doing the right thing. “I love you too, Julian.” For some reason, those words coming out of his mouth didn’t feel quite right anymore. It suddenly felt so foreign to him. But he shook all those thoughts away. After all, Lelouch loved Julian… didn’t he?

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Suzaku paced back and forth in his apartment’s living room. The hardwood floor was cold against his bare feet, but he didn’t care about that. Turns out, slamming the door last week caused a huge gaping hole where the pristine wall used to be. Suzaku didn’t want to deal with the nightmare that was his real estate agent just yet, so he was turning a reluctant blind eye. At this point, he didn’t care about anything really.

Lelouch wasn’t answering his calls or texts for about a week now.

His gut feeling was that something was _very_ wrong, but he also thought Lelouch might have been angry at him for ignoring him for a few days and this was his punishment. Guilt took over, and his chest was heavy with pain and regret. 

Yet he couldn’t help it. After the incident a few days ago, Suzaku was left to wallow in heartbreak. Talking to Lelouch would have only made it worse. Seeing them together would have broken him.

He flicked a text to his best friend again.

_I’m sorry ignored you last week. I know it was horrible for me to do that. Let me make it up to you._

An hour passed, and there was still no response.  

Suzaku gritted his teeth. _If that stupid Julian had anything to do with this…_

He then decided to pay him a visit. _If I see him physically, he can’t ignore me._ Suzaku recalled his schedule vaguely, Lelouch should just be finishing his Psychology lecture. It was just enough time for Suzaku to walk over to the Science building and wait for him outside. When he got there, he shivered at the cold weather. Suzaku cursed internally and regretted the lack of extra layers. 

The students crowded the exit and Suzaku checked the crowd for his familiar companion. He finally spotted him, brisk walking and heading to the other direction he had no reason to go to.

Confused, Suzaku ran after him. When he was close enough, he tapped Lelouch’s shoulder and urged him to turn around. “Why are you ignoring me?”

Lelouch feigned ignorance. “Hm? Me? Ignore?”

Emerald green eyes narrowed. “Don’t play dumb. You know what I mean. Did Julian have anything to do with this?” _I bet Julian had everything to do with this._ It wasn’t the first time. He knew the signs.

“No,” he said quietly. “ _You_ ignored me too, you know. How can you act so high and mighty?” Lelouch stared at his friend as he waited for his response. 

Suzaku lowered his head. “I’m really sorry about that. I just… wasn’t in a good way those days.”

Lelouch’s eyebrows scrunched together in worry. His eyes were laced with concern and hurt. Suzaku was in pain and didn’t call him? “You should have told me.”  

A shook of a head was sent his way. “No, I couldn’t-”

“Why?” Lelouch demanded, his voice raised. “Do you not trust me?”

 _Shit, I’ve pissed him off now._ Suzaku hated that he was guaranteed to make any situation worse.

“I-” Suzaku started, but couldn’t finish. He couldn’t just say ‘Oh, it’s because I love you and I hate seeing you with that asshole you call a boyfriend!’

Lelouch tried to hide the hurt he felt behind a mask of anger. “I see. Well, if that’s the case, I apologise for bothering you all the time. I’ll be sure to keep to myself from now on. Forgive me for thinking I was your _best friend._ ” 

“Julian’s put you up to this, didn’t he?” Suzaku was furious. Why did he always have to ruin everything?

He had a strong urge to pull his hair out in frustration. “So what if he did? Hasn’t it ever occurred to you that maybe you just aren’t a good friend? He makes me happy. I want to be with him. He told me it wasn’t going to happen again, and I believe him. It’s different this time. People can change, Suzaku.” The words felt strange to Lelouch, as something inside him screamed he was wrong.

Suzaku shook his head violently. “No, Lelouch. He doesn’t make you happy. He’s manipulative, abusive-" 

Lelouch all but yelled. “No! I’ve had enough of this. I can’t. You need to _stop_.” 

“He isn’t good for you, Lelouch!” 

Violet eyes threw daggers at Suzaku. “Since you’re the expert here, who _is_?” 

Suzaku was silent. _Me!_ He wanted to reply. But no words came out of his mouth. No, not even when Lelouch’s striking violet eyes were again filled with tears. He tried to move out of place or say something, but it’s as if every muscle in his body simply refused to do anything.

He knew he was going to lose him if he wasn’t going to do anything. Suzaku wouldn’t be able to take that. Lelouch was the only person he had left.  

Suzaku finally strung a few words together “I only did it to protect you. I just don’t want to see you hurt-” 

“ _You_ hurt me, Suzaku. You’ve hurt me more than anyone else in this world ever can.” Lelouch’s lips quivered as he spoke, tears freely flowing down his cheeks. “I think we need to distance ourselves from each other. I’m sorry.”

“Lelouch. Please. I’m begging you-” Suzaku fought back tears, but he couldn’t hold it enough. Hot tears fell from glistening green eyes.

Suzaku could only stare at Lelouch’s retreating figure until he faded into nothing.  

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Lelouch stared at his reflection in his closet mirror. He re-adjusted the dark purple tie around his neck to let it sit perfectly over his crisp white shirt.

 _Yes, that should do it._  

He tried his best to produce a genuine smile but found it too difficult and ended up giving up. Glancing quickly at his watch, he cursed and realised he was going to be late. He quickly grabbed the wrapped present from the foot of his bed, picked up his keys from its hook, and drove to Julian’s new work. 

It was Lelouch’s way of showing his gratitude for his support for the past few weeks. Julian had been nothing but amazing, getting him little presents almost everyday to cheer him up, whispering sweet nothings and helping him smile again. He was being the most understanding boyfriend, and he couldn’t ask for anything more. Today, he was going to surprise him by visiting his work and giving him his present – a video game he desperately wanted, well in Julian’s words, _needed_. Lelouch was proud of himself for the little setup. More so, he was proud he has been able to get up and actually leave the house.

When he was close to the café, he parked his car to the first spot he could find and walked up to the front door. Its bell chimed softly in greeting as he ventured the few steps it took to get to the counter. He found Alfred, Julian’s uncle, smiling at him behind the selection of sweet and savoury items.

“Hi Lelouch,” He greeted happily. “It’s nice to see you again!” 

Lelouch gave him a half-smile. “Hi Alfred. Can I speak to Julian please?”

Alfred’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “I’m afraid he isn’t here today. Actually, he hasn’t come here for a long time now. I keep telling that stubborn boy to visit me!” 

It was Lelouch’s turn to be confused. “Doesn’t he work here?”

Julian’s uncle shook his head. “No, I did tell him I needed help, but he told me he needed to keep his current job at the bar.” 

Lelouch felt a familiar tight feeling in his chest. “Oh. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I’ll see you later, Alfred.” He couldn’t get out of the café fast enough. He heard Alfred calling out for him, but he ignored the voice and drove to Julian’s house to demand answers. The drive was a blur to him - he couldn’t remember much of it, but he eventually arrived at Julian’s apartment in one piece. 

He tried the door and found the apartment unlocked. _Typical,_ Lelouch thought to himself. He had always scolded Julian for leaving his door unlocked most of the time.

There were voices in one of the rooms, and Lelouch approached it slowly, loosening the tie around his neck.  

Slowly, he opened the bedroom door and found clothes lying on the floor, _everywhere._ The ensuite door was slightly ajar and Lelouch realised the voices were coming from there. He recognised one of them as belonging to Julian.

“Won’t Lelouch find us?” A girl asked.

Julian laughed hollowly. “Don’t stress. I told him I was at work. He doesn’t do anything but mope and stay at home all day. Come here-” He let out a deep grunt. “Ah, Jessica!”

The girl let out an audible gasp, followed by loud moans. “Julian!”

Lelouch stepped backwards until his back hit the pale wall. _No, no. He promised!_ His breath was ragged and short.

He couldn’t stay in there for any second longer. As fast as he was physically able to, he ran back to his car and drove robotically. He just needed to get away from there. Far _far_ away.

The feeling in his chest tightened even more and he started to feel the need to gasp for air. _No. Julian._ _How could you?_

He raised his head and realised he was parked in front of Suzaku’s apartment building. _I couldn’t face him ever again. He warned me time and time again and I never listened. I was so naïve and I blindly believed in all his lies!_

Lelouch gripped his hair with both his hands in frustration. _How could I be so stupid?_

Suzaku was his only friend. He was the only one he confided in, he was the one who comforted him, who was always there for him. And he took it all for granted. _I pushed him away. I hurt him._ Lelouch screamed in frustration, holding his chest and trying to ease the pain that he knew wouldn’t go away so easily. 

No, he didn’t have to right to speak to Suzaku ever again. Not after what he had done to him, what he had told him.

So he resorted to the one thing that fixed his problems when he didn’t have Suzaku – alcohol.

He stumbled out of his car and crossed the road towards the blinding neon lights. The establishment was already full of other university students - being a Friday night, and the place was crowded. He pushed through them all, heading straight to one of the empty bar stools without a care, and he drank, and drank, _and drank._ Even after a couple of drinks, the ache in his chest still remained. Lelouch felt his phone vibrate. It was a text message from Julian.

_J: Hey, wanna come over?_

Lelouch clenched his teeth and he felt the urge to throw the phone across the room. In this fit of rage, Lelouch quickly typed out a response. 

_L: Why, Jessica isn’t enough for you?_

Before he could think about it, he hit send.

_J: What?_

_L: Go back to your fuck buddy if you want more._

_J: Lelouch, I can explain._

_L: Don’t bother. We’re over._

_J: I love you!_

Ignoring the unending buzzing, Lelouch ordered more drinks and downed them all. He had spent a few hours in the bar now, and the crowd was as full as ever. He lost count of the drinks a long time ago. Not that he minded, of course, it was easier to not think about Julian when his head was hazy. 

He felt a hand grasp his shoulder and he turned around in instinct. It was Julian. 

Violet eyes narrowed. “What are you doing here?”

“Hear me out, please,” Julian pleaded, but Lelouch was over it. Not again. 

“There’s nothing to say, Julian. Just leave me alone.” Lelouch stumbled out of the bar without hearing a word from his ex-boyfriend.

Outside, the night was absolutely _freezing_. While Lelouch tried to concentrate on his balance to prevent swaying, Julian caught up with him.

“Lelouch, please, give me another chance.” Julian turned Lelouch around with unnecessary force. Lelouch flinched at the pain in his shoulders.

“Why? Why do you keep doing this to me?” Lelouch asked, frustrated. _Why wasn’t he good enough? What did he do wrong?_ “I’ve given you a million chances, Julian. I will give you no more.” 

“This is because of Suzaku, isn’t it?”

Lelouch yelled, “Don’t you dare change the topic. This has _nothing_ to do with Suzaku. It’s everything to do with the fact that you’re a manipulative bastard!” He clenched his fists, his knuckles turning white. 

Julian grimaced, letting his right hand cup Lelouch’s face. He brushed his thumb over his cheek roughly. “Oh, Lelouch. You’re not good enough for Suzaku. You’re not good enough for _anyone,_ do you hear me? I’m the only one who can love you. I put up with your shit, and no one else can. You can’t let me go or you’ll be all alone.”

Lelouch laughed humourlessly and pushed the calloused hand away from his face. “Love? You don’t know _anything_ about love, Julian.” _But was he right? Was he really not good enough?_

“I have needs, Lelouch. I’ve told you time after time, but you wouldn’t help me now, would you?” Julian seethed. “Some boyfriend you are.”

“You keep hurting me because I won’t _fuck_ you?” Lelouch screamed, no longer caring if anyone heard him. Julian’s reason was absolutely absurd, and he couldn’t believe he dated the idiot for _years_. 

“You needed to be punished, and I needed someone to fuck. It’s fair,” Julian reasoned, as if _nothing_ at all was wrong with his sentence. 

“You took advantage of me from the very start. You used my vulnerability for your own gain.” 

Julian laughed. “You’ve always been so dramatic, Lelouch.”

Lelouch has forgotten about the cold. All he felt was the burn from the absolute hatred he felt for the man in front of him. “How could you laugh?” Lelouch demanded as he stepped forward. “How could you laugh as I hurt over and over because of _you_? I did everything for you. All I asked was to wait until I was ready. For you, I drove my only friend away, and I’ve lost him. He was the only person who actually cared for me, certainly _not you._ ”

As Julian stepped forward, Lelouch had stepped backwards. They continued this motion until Lelouch felt the cold brick wall against his back. “It’s not too late, you know. You can still please me,” he whispered in Lelouch’s ear. He started to suck and bite Lelouch’s neck. “Make up for all that lost time. 

“Get the _fuck_ off me!” Lelouch screamed as he tried to push him off. Unfortunately, he was not the physical type. He didn’t even budge. He looked around desperately. They were in the alley beside the bar and the line waiting to get in was long gone. There was no one else around. “Help!” His arms flailed wildly, still trying to push him off, and his legs trashed against Julian.

“Stop being so difficult, Lelouch.”

In a last resort, Lelouch bit Julian’s shoulder. The metallic taste left Lelouch with a face scrunched in disgust. The unexpected move prompted Julian to step back and scream in pain. “How dare you?!” He raised his fist and it landed on Lelouch’s right cheek. 

The impact caused Lelouch to fall and hit his head against the wall. His hand brushed his head and he felt something wet. When he brought it back down to have a look, it was the crimson tinge of blood. Lots of it. 

His surroundings started to swirl around him. The dizziness hit like a strong wave and kept him from standing up. He reached for his phone from his back pocket and hit speed dial. _Suzaku._

Julian realised what he’s done and picked up the phone as Suzaku was calling out Lelouch’s name in worry. He threw the phone roughly, causing it to shatter. The screen went blank.

Lelouch’s heart sank as he stared at the broken glass laid on the ground. 

“Useless, prude Lelouch,” Julian snarled. He picked up Lelouch by his shirt. “You’re causing too much trouble for me. Now I’m going to give you one last chance because I’m so _generous and such a good boyfriend_. Take me back and I’ll forget about tonight.” 

Lelouch squeezed his eyes shut, which made the pain in his head worse. A sudden realisation hit him. “No, Julian. Never again.”

Julian pulled him closer. His breath, reeking of whiskey, fanned in his face. “What did you _just fucking say?_ ” He challenged.

“I-” Lelouch hesitated, but it was time for him to finally stand up for himself. “The love I had for you wasn’t real. I never loved you. I only ever loved Suzaku!” He shouted. “I know I don’t deserve him, but that doesn’t stop me from loving him.” At this, his voice trembled. It felt great to finally say it out loud. It was such a great weight of his chest. 

“Lelouch!” He heard a familiar voice yell. It was all he heard before he felt another rough blow to his head and the world went black.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

A dull glow illuminated in the pale hospital room. Suzaku sat on the chair beside the elevated bed. His hair was in a tangled mess - from Suzaku running his hands through them too many times that night.

He rubbed his tired eyes and yawned. Sleep was calling out to him, but he wasn’t going to let it. He picked up his brown coffee cup and sipped the now cold bitter liquid. The brunet was determined to wait for his best friend to wake up and know he’s okay. The doctor had mentioned it wasn’t serious and he should be up in a few hours, likely with a killer headache, but he would be fine. Regardless, Suzaku twiddled his thumbs and waited patiently. He would wait an eternity to see those violet eyes again. He took another sip and lost himself in his thoughts. Replaying various scenarios and how he could have done something differently so Lelouch wouldn’t have gotten hurt.

“Suzaku?” A quiet voice asked.

Suzaku’s gaze snapped up to Lelouch. The Britannian boy winced in pain as he tried to sit up. “Hey, be careful.”

“What… what happened?”

He let out a sigh, recalling the events once more. “You called me and when I picked up I couldn’t hear anything then there was a loud smashing noise and the call ended. When I tried to call you again and again, it went straight to voicemail.” Suzaku remembered his gut feeling screaming at him to find Lelouch and make sure he was okay.

Suzaku realised he paused for too long and cleared his throat. “So I started to make my way to your apartment, but before I could even get in my car, I found yours parked across the street. Then I heard your voice. You were yelling at Julian.” Suzaku noticed that Lelouch flinched at the sound of his name and placed a hand on his shoulder to reassure him. After he visibly relaxed at the touch, Suzaku continued. “I called your name and Julian punched you and your head hit the hall and you collapsed.”

At the thought, Suzaku clenched his fists and his jaw tightened. Even thinking of Julian pissed him off.

“Anyway, I scared him off and brought you to the hospital.”

Lelouch raised an eyebrow. “Scared him off?”

Suzaku gritted his teeth. “Let’s just say I put my black belt in karate to good use?” _He deserved worse,_ Suzaku thought.

“Thank you.” It was barely a whisper. “I don’t deserve to-" 

Suzaku narrowed his eyes. “No. Don’t even finish that sentence.”

Lelouch dropped his head and stared at the pale blue blanket draped over his body. “It’s true though.”

“It’s not, you know,” Suzaku’s eyes brimmed with tears. “You deserve the world, Lelouch, and you better believe it.”

The black-haired boy gazed at mesmerizing emerald green eyes. “Suzaku, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean anything I said. I was just being stupid and naïve.”

“I know,” Suzaku murmured, meeting the stare. “I never answered the question you asked me last time we spoke.”

Confusion filled the boy’s face. His eyebrows scrunched together, and he tilted his head slightly. “Ah,” he said when he finally remembered.

“I want to be selfish and tell you the truth I know for once.” Suzaku took Lelouch’s hand and held it. _It’s now or never._ “I want to say that _I_ can do better. _I_ can take care of you and give you all the love you deserve. But at the time, I was… confused and scared. I worried that I wasn’t good enough after all, and I didn’t want to chance ruining our friendship. You see, I can’t lose you, Lelouch. It would break me.” He finally looked into Lelouch’s bright violet eyes, still full of confusion.

“But when I asked-” 

Suzaku shook his head. “I lied. At the time, I thought it was my only option. And look what it did,” Suzaku looked away, regret and guilt filling him again. The feelings that have taken over his decisions for the past years. “You met that bastard and he hurt you too many times to count. I’m the one who should apologize. I let this all happen.”

Lelouch raised a hand and cradled Suzaku’s face. He caressed his thumb over his cheek to wipe the tears away. “You couldn’t have known Suzaku. Please don’t blame yourself for this. And you would never lose me. Not now, not ever.”

Violet eyes twinkled. Lelouch inched closer to Suzaku, keeping his hold on his face as if it was the most precious thing in the world. He rested his forehead against the Japanese boy, and his thumb brushed over the crimson tinge that adorned his cheeks. He shifted even closer and Suzaku held his breath.

Lelouch brushed his lips over Suzaku’s to give him a chaste kiss. It was as warm and perfect as Suzaku had always imagined it would be.

“My feelings for you have never changed.” Lelouch smiled as he pulled away, and this time, it was one of the kinds that reached his eyes. “I love you, Suzaku.”

Suzaku’s heart stopped for a moment, not sure if he heard him right. Lelouch gazed at Suzaku lovingly, and he returned the gesture happily. “I love you too, Lelouch.”

 


End file.
